Love languages

In a time where families are in such close quarters, where parents have become teachers and  perhaps patience is not abundant, it’s really important to look at intentionally investing in our relationship with our children. Gary Chapman talks about using the five love languages with our children –

Physical touch

Acts of service 

Quality time


Words of affirmation

Understanding which love language your child primarily feels loved through can be really helpful for parents. It allows us to be intentional in using that love language when trying to show our child we love them. In a season where we may loose our temper more quickly it is wonderful to know if a hug will show love more than a note saying sorry left on their pillow.

Our children do need all the love languages – but some will have more impact than others. One way to identify what your child’s primary love languages might be is to look at how they show love to others. 

So here are a few ideas for each love language to get you started.

Physical Touch 

  • Cuddle on the sofa watching a movie
  • Piggy back ride on a walk in the park
  • Creating a secret handshake
  • Three squeezes when holding hands means I love you!
  • Good morning and good night hugs and kisses

Acts of Service 

  • Teach them a new skill – like tying their shoe laces
  • Make them a special drink (like a smoothie or hot chocolate)
  • Help them to organise and tidy their toys up
  • Do a chore that they are usually responsible for
  • Fix a broken toy, or clean their favourite shoes.

Quality time

  • Sit down for ten minutes with a drink and just talk
  • Play a game with them
  • Lay with them on there bed or have a cuddle and chat before bedtime
  • Read books together on the sofa
  • Go for a special walk together – just the two of you.


  • Pick out a special stone or leaf whilst on a walk for them
  • Give them a small gift and wrap it nicely for them.
  • Make/buy their favourite cake
  • Buy a plant/tree or herb and plant it together (in a pot or in the garden). Look after it together.
  • Make a special shelf or box in their room for them store there most precious gifts.

Words of affirmation  

  • compliment them in front of others
  • Write them a note with something you love about them
  • Get a note book that is only for you two and write notes back and forth to each other.
  • If they are old enough for a phone – text them compliments and say you love them
  • Fill their mirror with Post-It notes covered with compliments!

Remember that your child will have a primary love language, but you can still show them love in all these other ways too! If you are having a daily cuddle with one child, you may find the other will want to have that as well. 

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